“Tamils” are always proud to be Tamizhs; Pretty courteous (that is what they think, at least!). They speak english but sorry, no indi (Hindi)
saar…what da??.The more common Madarasi (chennaisi…, now?) is an ardent fan of kireeketmatches.

Their counterparts in Bombay think they live in America but speak Hinglish like …are you sure ki Sujata aa rahi hai ya Ill go akela!” And they take great pride in making stupid mistakes in Hindi Grammar.

Thamizhs, are verrry lecky to have “simble” neighbours in the “keralites” who are a komblex race of peoblle (they migrated around 2000 B.C. from the middle east, I guess; and now even the Sheikhs feel wary of them) but they at a lot of chooclyte and own 99.998765% of chai shops in the world and form 99.89% of nursing community.

Not far begind the kerals is the “telugu desam” , who are totally againesht flaunting their wealthu to the woruldu, though they occasionally come out withu brick red shirtsu and parrot green pantsu with pleetsu
(pleat). Worustu,no?! But they (think) are greatu in CICSu, Microsu and COBOLu! Generally sane peoplesu (and so you can always findu them judgingu, probhingu, queschioningu othersu ….)

The Canadians, excuse me, the “Kannadigas ” aor (are) the coolest dobun When it comes to Rajkumar (actor), if a fly sits on his nose, they’ll burn the entire city of Bengaloroo to kill the fly! To hell with Silicon valley! I-ron, firshtu, girlu, Lasht Bussu, roadu, crickeatu, filamu are some of their favourites.

“Maharashtrians” are a conservative, confused, complex lot-kar. -Kar, that is because gavasakar, tendulkar, bahulkar,.. confused that is because sitting in southern part of India they would ask the other person “are you from Maharashtra or from south India..?” and genuinely wonder why the other person takes some time to answer the question. They like the principles of pheejix and their favourite character in the alphabet is Zay (god knows where that came from). Although soft, peace loving people but they elect the shivsena to rule them.

And right there next to the Maharashtrians are the “Gujjubhais” . They like to keep kes in the benk and their favourite past time is eating snakes (snacks) like paav bhaji, masala papad and pijja at the local snake
bar. They gobble down palak sev like their life depends on it and believe in the brotherhood and sisterhood of man and woman (everybody is a bhai or a ben).

If you go further eesht, the land uf Udissa – the land of irron (”r” unsilent) where sombalpuroa and Bhubaneshbara are big towns. The people are bery cordial and if you are Vikram they bill soorly ask your name starts from B or Bhe. They do not sout, sam or soot but occasnally bawsh their phace at the wasbashin. James Bond Mohanty in our colleze had a roll nomber jero, jero, sebhen.

Bengalees are bery bery similor, but or bery proud oph Subas Chondro Boash and Shoatyojit Roy (I used to know a director by name Satyajit Ray who was also pretty good) and eberybody is X da. I used to habe a friend by name. Dada. Bonder…neber mind. Bot I most conphess, Roshgollas are bery goooood, tho!

Bihari kids are supposed to be the smartest kids in India (if not in the universe!). How we wish they grow up the same way,…but… And Biharees are bery phond of Laloo and Ranchi, isse bhadiya tumre pass koochi hai kaa?! spit spit…

UPites and MPites are busy going to ischool and istudying metals to make lots of ishteel.

Punjabis are very sweet and aggressive and offer Rotti Shotti Khayega! To which I once replied No. He said Tage itu, yaar! By Godu! Surjeetu, what happenedu, oi?!. Then of course, everybodys a paappe or a kaakke. That’s Pnjab for you.

And Kashmir (called Cashmir by many, may be because of the amount of cash spent to keep it in India)?!? I know Roja (or Roza?)was shot (I mean filmed) somewhere nearby…

But at the end of the day, wherever you are in the world, whether it is in Sunnyvale, CA; Birmingham, UK; UmmAl Quwain, UAE or Serangoon Road, Singapore, ask them who they are and you’ll get just one answer — “INDIANS”


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